Moments
by Diamondinsanity
Summary: She wasn't leaving him without a fight. She hated being compared to Inara. River.Mal
1. Maybe

**Title: Maybe.**

**Author: Drula/Karmawiccan**

**Rating: G**

**Pairing: Mal/River**

**Summary: "If anything happens to her, anything at all... I swear to you I will get very choked up. Honestly. There could be tears." Sarcasm. It was Malcolm Reynolds' specialty.**

**Spoilers: The first 15 minutes of the movie.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, including the very first line because that's one of Mal's lines from the BDM.**

**Author notes: I'm thinking of turning this into a series called Moments, thoughts on each major Maliver moment in the movie.**

**Review: Please. Tell me what ya think!**

**Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Tell me where it's going.**

* * *

"If anything happens to her, anything at all... I swear to you I will get very choked up. Honestly. There could be tears."

Sarcasm. It was Malcolm Reynolds' specialty. Or least it had become his specialty since the war. He used to be able to tell real jokes, and laugh real laughs, the kind that reached his eyes. Instead he was sarcastic and dry. It was his defense mechanism. The one he used to hide his true feelings.

He hadn't been lying. If anything happened to River, he really would have gotten worked up. And there wouldn't have been a 'could.' There would be tears and he knew it. But Simon didn't need to know about that.

Unlike Simon, Mal actually had faith in the girl. She was stronger than her brother gave her credit for. Not that Simon actually saw that she was getting better. He still liked taking care of the sick little girl they'd pulled out from the box. But Mal and River had worked out an arrangement. He'd start bringing her on missions to prove to her brother that she was getting better and she'd stay out of his head. The perfect arrangement, well aside from things that would land him in the Special Hell. Not that he wasn't going their any way. He'd already accepted that fact.

But that didn't mean he was going to lose the sarcasm. In fact, that only meant he was going to use sarcasm more. He even used it on her now—to dodge the soul-searing glances she shot his way and to avoid her piercing questions that suddenly began to make perfect sense to him. The bruises on his shins were beginning to heal faster now anyway.

Still, he knew that one day she'd call him out on his feelings, in front of everyone. But for now she didn't say a word.

At all.

The entire mule ride.

So what if she was a mite angry? His defenses were still up and undamaged. And really that's all that mattered to Mal.

One day, maybe, he'd stop with all the sarcasm and let his defenses down—actually put feeling and meaning into the things he was saying.

But for now he'd just let everyone think he was a bad man. Then maybe that would make it true and there wouldn't be any tears at all.


	2. Addicted

**Title: Addicted**

**Author: drula/karmawiccan**

**Rating: PG**

**Pairing: River/Mal**

**Spoilers: First 20 minutes of BDM**

**Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Lemme know where it's going.**

**Review: Please? I'm not getting paid for this you know.**

**Disclaimer: Joss is god and owns all.**

**Summary: It wasn't something that River had foreseen.**

**Notes: Part 2 of the Moments Series. Part one was Maybe.**

* * *

It wasn't something that River had foreseen. When she'd felt the Reavers touch down, she'd expected Mal to run up the stairs and usher her and Zoe back out to the mule.

She hadn't expected his hand to crush itself around hers—to feel his rough calloused hand in her smaller, softer one. Also, she didn't expect his fear. Not for himself or even for Zoe. But for her. Fear of what the Reavers would do to her—that they would get to taste her first.

It almost made River feel like a regular teenage girl holding a boy's hand for the first time. It didn't matter that they were running for their lives or that he was pulling her along so fast that her arm nearly popped out of its socket. All that mattered was that one of the walls he'd worked so hard to construct had come crashing down. She could feel his strong need and desire to protect her and it was like a deadly drug.

And just when she thought she was completely addicted, she felt his hands on her hips, lifting her up into the mule, lingering for longer than they were supposed to. It was another hit, and she was suddenly a druggie for his touch. It felt like her entire body was on fire, begging for more.

His hand straying against her leg as he jumped into the mule after her and the whisper of "stay down" was just enough.

Nodding, she scrambled into the passenger's seat, trying her hardest to breathe again, hiding a small smile as Zoe watched her, sympathetically thinking that River's breathing problems had to do with all the excitement.

She was only half right. It was excitement. Just not the kind Zoe was thinking about.

Grinning to herself, River flipped back over in her seat, pressing her face into the grated back of the seat, watching Mal and Jayne through the gaps. Suddenly she wasn't angry with Mal for sounding like he didn't care about her.

She smiled against the metal, studying Mal's ass.

Nope… Not mad at all.


	3. Notions

**Title: Notions. ****Author: drula/karmawiccan**

**Rating: PG**

**Pairing: River/Mal**

**Spoilers: First 30 minutes of BDM and the deleted scene from "Our Mrs. Reynolds."**

**Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Lemme know where it's going.**

**Review: Please? I'm not getting paid for this you know.**

**Disclaimer: Joss is god and owns all. ****Summary: There were just some notions that Mal didn't like to think about. ****Notes: Part 3 of the Moments series. This one is actually two because there's a flashback to the deleted scene from "Our Mrs. Reynolds. ****

* * *

** "We never been but a way station to those two."

The instant he said it, he regretted the words. He never meant to phrase it like that. Never meant to imply that it was just him and Kaylee, the two that had always been impatiently worrying that River and Simon would decide to leave. Not that he had much choice in the matter. Simon had asked to leave—not River and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about a brother taking his _underage _sister off his boat.

But he couldn't do a damn thing about the words once they were out. He knew the others wouldn't see the hidden meaning behind it. Kaylee knew him better than anyone else on the ship. She was his mei-mei after all. And he could tell she caught the hidden meaning by the look she shot him.

She'd always known though. She'd caught him a plenty of times in some interesting situations with River. Though, the worst was right after he'd accidentally married YoSafBridge.

* * *

_&fun flashback music&_

Mal's hand gripped River's arm as hard as he dared as he dragged her into the empty common room. "You wanna tell me what in the gorram hell is going on?" His eyes dropping to the pillow stuffed underneath River's shirt.

"You took a wife." River said stubbornly as she slapped Mal's hand off her arm, and then crossed her arms over her chest, glaring fiercely at him.

He stared at her in shock. "That's what this is all about? Darlin,' you heard tell. I was drunk. I didn't know what she was doing. Preacher's getting it all taken care of."

River shot him the look she normally reserved for Simon. The 'you're a boob' look. "Still married her. Alcohol. Fermented liquors produced by yeast fermentation of certain carbohydrates, as grains, molasses, starch, or sugar that causes an altered state of being. Doesn't make you stupid." She stated matter-of-factly.

"You know, I could argue—Ai ya!" He jumped as River kicked him hard in the shin. "Hey now! That was completely uncalled for!"

She merely glared at him. "You took a wife. A pair. A mate. Two by Two. But the numbers are improbable like Noah's early quantum state phenomenon. I'll have to marry Simon. Only way to fix it."

Mal's eyes nearly popped out of his head, and he grabbed River by the shoulders, staring at her in shock. "That's just-" He shook his head. "You are not marrying your brother, dong ma? If you're gonna be marryin' anybody it'll be-"

"You?" She suggested, innocence shining in her eyes, smiling up at him hopefully.

The simplicity of her statement cut him completely off guard. "Yes." His eyes widened as he realized what he just said. "No. Not me." He froze when he saw the hurt look in River's eyes. "Bao bei, I didn't mean… I mean, if you were older and not so cr-" He shook his head. "This shouldn't be such a hard answer… River, you're not marrying your brother. I'm the cap'n and that's final, dong ma?"

Slowly, River nodded her head. "Understood, Captain." She said, a wicked smile on her lips at the sight of him being so shook up by the whole thing. She lifted up the bottom of her shirt. "Want the pillow back? I'm not in the family way any more."

Sighing in the relief, Mal reached under River's shirt to pull the pillow out when he heard someone cough behind him. He turned around, horrified to find Kaylee staring back at him. "Something going on I should know about, Cap'n?" She asked, the humor shining in her eyes.

"I'm not pregnant." River offered helpfully.

Mal's eyes widened in horror. "No. No. No. She didn't mean it like that." He held up a pillow. "She was having some mighty strange notions about her brother."

Kaylee merely laughed and held up a hand. "Everything's shiny Cap'n. Didn't see a thing." She winked at them. "Just go on with those notions."

_&fun returning to the present music&_

* * *

He tried to block out the memories and then decided to clarify himself a bit. He hated when Kaylee looked at him like that. It made him feel like the bad man he tried to hard to pretend to be. 

"If I truly wanted someone bad enough, wouldn't be a thing in the 'verse could stop me from going to her."

The second he said it, he felt himself wince again. Apparently he was just in the mood to stick his foot in his mouth tonight. He hated how turned around his head was. It made him feel so stupid. After all, he was trying to give her advice and the one person he didn't want to leave was one of the ones doing the leaving.

Kaylee just gave him an even darker look than before. "Tell that to Inara." She spat out before leaving.

It felt like she had just punched him in the stomach. But he knew he deserved it. It was a step in becoming a bad bad man. And he could live with that. Just like he could live with everyone thinking he was in love with Inara. It was easier than everyone knowing the truth.

After all, it was too strange a notion in the first place.

* * *

Chinese used: 

Mei-mei- little sister

Ai ya- damn

Bao bei- sweetheart

Dong ma- understand


	4. Like Romeo and Juliet

**Title: Like Romeo and Juliet**

**Author: Karmawiccan/drula**

**Rating: PG**

**Pairing: River/Mal, one-sided Jayne/River**

**Spoilers: BDM, up to the Maidenhead.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Warning: fantasized death**

**Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Tell me where it's going.**

**Feedback: Please please review. It inspires me to write more.**

**Notes: '' are River's thoughts. Italics are Mal's thoughts. It gets a little wild in the end, but it'll make sense I swear. It is the bar scene after all…**

**Summary: River wasn't leaving him without a fight. She hated being compared to Inara.**

* * *

River stared off after the crew as they headed off to the Maidenhead. What she said was true. It wasn't safe for the others. Not any more. Especially Mal. And River knew that. You always hurt the ones you love most.

And that was how River justified ditching her brother at the dock. She was just going to hurt him in the long run—why not start now? Besides, she'd never gotten a chance to say goodbye to Mal. Not that he'd given her the chance. He'd avoided her and River knew why. He didn't want another Inara style confrontation. But she wasn't Inara, and simply because he was avoiding her, she was going to give him an even bigger confrontation than he had feared.

With one last glance over her shoulder to make sure that Simon hadn't followed her, she entered the bar, stepping delicately just in case there was glass on the ground. Eyes darting around, she easily spotted Mal talking to Mingo and Fanty. Knowing better than to interrupt a business transaction, she drifted over to watch the news.

It was then the commercial began to play. The Fruity Oaty Bar. Not that she realized what the commercial truly was until it was too late to stop it. It was like everything had been switched around in her head. Suddenly finding Mal was no longer important. The only thing important was to dance to the music she suddenly could hear.

And dance she did. Like a marionette on strings. A juggernaut. Once she started dancing, she couldn't stop.

A 5-6-7-8- kick, step, turn, duck, stab.

Twist, flip, kick, step, punch, throw.

Kill.

It was like being a spinning top. She wanted to stop. Needed to stop, but the more the air wooshed around her, the faster she danced, ignoring the blood staining her skin. She wasn't even sure any more who's blood it was. Hers or theirs.

Jayne. His name suddenly rang out in her head. His voice was faint and distant. She couldn't understand what he was saying it, but she knew he was trying to cut in and dance with her. Hand to his crotch. Instinctive. Using his own fantasies against him. And then throwing him to the side. There weren't allowed to be any partners left to dance with.

And then there were none. But him. Watching. Gun to gun.

River stared up at Mal, their guns trained on one another.

'Shoot me first. Take away the music I don't want to hear. We could be like Romeo and Juliet. Star-crossed lovers. Not parents keeping us apart but age. The Special Hell. No rules once your dead.

'Shoot me and we can be together. No rules. It's not like we're going to heaven. There's too much blood on our hands. But don't fear. Straight through the heart and there will be no pain.

'Act first Romeo. Steal away my pain first. Shoot me!'

River stared up at him, her triggers wavering, her confidence fading away—just waiting. Waiting for him to shoot her first, but seeing in his eyes that he wouldn't—couldn't. Could hear it in his mind.

_Don't make me do it, bao bei. Can't. Killed a lot of good people. Can't kill you, too. Don't make me. Shoot me first. Darlin' just shoot me first. Please._

Instinctively, River's finger hovered over the trigger, wondering vaguely if she'd have the strength to kill herself after she killed Mal.

But she didn't have to ponder on it for too long. She could hear Simon's voice. Unfocused. Fuzzy. She couldn't tell if it was real or not. But as she hit the floor her last thoughts were of Mal.

'Oh sweet poison of words. Will you taste my lips to see if there's any poison left on them? Am I your Juliet or your Romeo? I've forgotten already. Or am I anything at all?'


End file.
